Emotions & Healing

The Power of Feeling: Why Emotions Matter More Than We Were Taught

Many of us grew up hearing messages that discouraged emotional expression. “Stop crying,” “Don’t be so sensitive,”“Toughen up,” or even “There’s nothing to be upset about” were common phrases that shaped how we learned to process—or suppress—our emotions.

These messages weren’t always meant to harm, but they conditioned us to believe that emotions were inconvenient, unnecessary, or even a sign of weakness. Over time, we learned to bottle things up, push feelings aside, and deny ourselves the full human experience of emotion.

But what if feeling our feelings is actually the key to healing, self-awareness, and emotional resilience?

The Impact of Suppressing Emotions

Many of us were taught, directly or indirectly, that emotions should be controlled, hidden, or even ignored. While often well-intended, these responses can invalidate a child’s emotions, teaching them that their feelings are unimportant, overreactions, or even something to be ashamed of.

Over time, this leads to childhood emotional neglect—when a child’s emotional needs for validation, comfort, and guidance are consistently unmet. Unlike physical neglect, which is more visible, emotional neglect is subtle but just as damaging. It can create long-term struggles with self-worth, emotional regulation, and relationships in adulthood. Here’s how:

Low Self-Esteem

When a child repeatedly hears that their emotions are too much or inconvenient, they may begin to believe that they themselves are the problem. Instead of learning that emotions are natural responses to experiences, they internalize the message:

"If my emotions aren’t okay, then maybe I’m not okay."

This belief can carry into adulthood, manifesting as self-doubt, harsh inner criticism, and difficulty trusting their own feelings and needs.

Difficulty Regulating Emotions

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage emotional responses in a healthy way—acknowledging, expressing, and processing feelings instead of suppressing or overreacting.

Without a safe space to express emotions in childhood, people often develop one of two extremes in adulthood:

• Emotional volatility: Frequent mood swings, intense reactions, or outbursts due to unprocessed emotions surfacing in unpredictable ways.

• Emotional detachment: Suppressing feelings altogether, struggling to connect with emotions, or feeling numb and disconnected.

Both of these responses are coping mechanisms learned in childhood when emotions weren’t properly validated. Instead of being taught how to navigate emotions, people either become overwhelmed by them or shut them down entirely.

Insecure Attachment Styles

The way we experience emotional validation (or the lack of it) in childhood shapes how we relate to others in adulthood. If caregivers were dismissive, emotionally unavailable, or inconsistent, children may develop insecure attachment styles—patterns in relationships that reflect early emotional experiences.

• Anxious attachment:

  • Fear of abandonment, constantly seeking reassurance in relationships.

  • Deep worry that others will leave or stop caring.

  • Overanalyzing interactions for signs of rejection.

• Avoidant attachment:

  • Difficulty trusting or depending on others.

  • Emotional walls; feeling safer alone than in close relationships.

  • Struggling to express vulnerability or ask for support.

These attachment styles develop as survival strategies—ways to cope with unmet emotional needs from childhood. Anxious individuals cling to relationships for safety, while avoidant individuals distance themselves to avoid emotional pain.

What Is Emotional Baggage?

Many of us hear the term “emotional baggage” and assume it means carrying past trauma, but everyone has emotional baggage to some degree—it’s simply the unresolved emotional experiences and beliefs we carry from the past that affect our present.

Some common sources of emotional baggage include:

• Childhood trauma: Unresolved pain from emotional neglect, abuse, or abandonment.

• Past relationships: Heartbreak, betrayal, or emotional wounds from friendships and romantic relationships.

• Unprocessed grief or loss: The weight of losses that were never fully acknowledged or healed.

• Unrealistic expectations: The pressure to be “strong,” “perfect,” or emotionally independent at all times.

How Emotional Baggage Affects Us

Emotional baggage doesn’t just sit in the background—it shapes the way we respond to situations, interact with others, and even view ourselves. It can show up in ways like:

• Reacting intensely to small triggers because they remind us of past pain.

• Avoiding emotional intimacy out of fear of being hurt again.

• Feeling stuck in old narratives (“I’m not good enough, I’ll always be abandoned, I can’t trust anyone”).

• Struggling with self-compassion and inner peace.

The good news? Emotional baggage isn’t permanent—it can be unpacked, processed, and healed.

The Importance of Acknowledging and Processing Emotions

Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear; instead, they often manifest in other, sometimes harmful, ways. Recognizing and validating our feelings is the first step toward healing. Here’s how to begin:

1. Self-Reflection: Take time to identify and understand your emotions. Journaling can be a helpful tool in this process.

2. Reframe Emotional Narratives: Instead of seeing emotions as weaknesses, view them as information—guiding you toward what needs attention.

3. Seek Professional Support: Therapists, coaches, or support groups can provide guidance and strategies to process unresolved emotions effectively.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that it's okay to feel and that your emotions are valid.

5. Develop Emotional Awareness: Learn to sit with your emotions instead of avoiding them. Meditation, mindfulness, and breathwork can help.

By embracing our emotions rather than dismissing them, we pave the way for healthier relationships, greater self-awareness, and deeper personal fulfillment. Feeling is healing.